Tips to help you have the ‘nudist’ talk with your partner. Practical and wholesome advice from a nudist.

Reading time: 10 minutes

For those of us who have experienced the liberation that comes with enjoying the nudist lifestyle, it comes as no surprise that many of us may also desire to have our partner join us. Perhaps you’ve been trying to convince your partner with no luck, or maybe you would like to have the conversation with your partner but have no idea where to start…

For some, this has been a really easy transition in which their partner has been open to it; and for others, a seemingly uphill battle in which there is constant resistance. Some of us may be wondering, ‘how do I even go about asking my partner to get involved?’ This is a topic I get asked about on a very regular basis, and it is something I have dealt with first-hand in a relationship; and so my hopes for you is that this blog can provide some valuable insight and wholesome advice on the topic and some very practical ways to go about having the conversation with your partner.

First and foremost, we must realise and understand that the topic of nudity can be a sensitive one, and so we must keep this in mind when approaching and broaching the topic. Nudity, and especially the nudist lifestyle, is still such a taboo and uncomfortable subject for many…so I advise proceeding with compassion and kindness.

Here are some of my tips for clear and effective communication on this particular topic (and remember, this can apply to friendships too)…

IT SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT CONVINCING THEM…

Firstly, I do not believe in ‘convincing’ people to do things. This kind of approach can sometimes feel like you’re imposing your beliefs, ideologies and/or opinions onto others. If anything, when it comes to sensitive topics such as nudity, this can create even more resistance...which is NOT what we’re looking to do. It is the complete opposite! You want them to do it for themselves, not for you.

Be mindful (and honest with yourself)…are you coming across as pushy in your approach? Even forceful, perhaps? If so, let’s reconsider.

INVITE RATHER THAN PRESSURE

The last thing you want them to feel is that they’ve been pressured into doing something that they didn’t really want to do. Ultimately, they should do it because they want to do it, not because they feel pressured. As a supportive partner, you should also want the decision to be authentic to them because this is how they will receive most of the benefits and joy from from the experience. When people feel that they want to do something (even if there is still slight apprehension and caution), and when the decision comes from them, this is when they’re more likely to be open and receptive to actually enjoying it; potentially wanting to do it again…and maybe again and again! Otherwise, they go in dragging their feet, create a field of resistance and are more likely to focus on any potential negatives…and this vibe doesn’t exactly make your experience any better either, right? This is why it is important to gently invite them to join you via a healthy discussion.

ENSURE THAT THE CONVERSATION IS INFORMATIVE

I believe in encouraging people to empower themselves by making informed decisions. So, for me (and if you’re someone that is already involved in the lifestyle), this comes down to informing them about the lifestyle...and I believe the most powerful way to do this is to talk about how it has and continues to empower you. Speak from personal experience and let them know how it has positively impacted you on a personal level. Be relatable…people resonate with relatable. First-hand experience speaks far louder than ‘you should’, ‘do it because…’, ‘just give it a go’ etc.

Points to consider touching on, for example, are: (and I would get clear on these before you even go into the conversation)

What does being a ‘nudist’ mean for you?
How has being a nudist helped you with your body image, self esteem, confidence, self acceptance? How has it transformed the way you relate to your body?
What obstacles have you been able to overcome by enjoying social nudity?
How has it liberated and empowered you?
What’s your favourite nudist experience?
How has it positively impacted other ‘clothed’ areas of your life? For e.g. the way you relate to people, the way you see people, the way you view society etc.

If you haven’t yet experienced the lifestyle either but would like to with the company of your partner…discuss with them why you want to try it out. Get clear on this beforehand. Express to them how you believe it could benefit you both. Express to them how you would appreciate going on the journey together. Express your desire for their support…without placing expectations on them to join.

Some things for you to think about might be:

Why are you interested to try it out (to overcome self consciousness, body image issues, low self esteem; to feel more empowered etc)?
Why do you want them to join you? Support, comfort, intrigue, fun? To bring you closer together? To try something new?
How do you feel this experience, shared together, might benefit your relationship?

A good idea is to share resources with them where possible. For e.g. share my blog with them! Share sources that you feel are a good example of what the nudist lifestyle actually exemplifies. Help them to get excited about it!

LISTEN TO THEM

Remember to LISTEN to them! Be UNDERSTANDING. Remember that a conversation goes both ways, so hear them out. If there is/you anticipate any resistance around how the topic is received, go into the conversation with the intention to understand why there is resistance. Hold space for them to express whatever it is that comes up for them around the topic. Acknowledge and honour any fears, concerns and apprehension that they may have. If you are already involved in the lifestyle, think back to when you first started out…maybe you can even relate to some of their initial concerns and fears? This is where compassion and empathy are powerful and necessary.

INVITE THEM TO ASK QUESTIONS!

People value discussions over lectures. They will appreciate a two-way conversation in which they’re an active (not passive) participant whose input is valued. Give them permission to ask questions…better yet, encourage them to ask questions! Make it clear that you want them to feel as comfortable as possible going into it and to have as much information as they need…and with a topic like this, you had better expect some questions! So be open to the idea of being questioned on it without getting reactive. Mindfully respond rather than mindlessly react.

THE CONVERSATION SHOULD BE EMPOWERING, NOT DISEMPOWERING

Have compassion for their concerns and empathy for their insecurities. This is an integral part of being a supportive and understanding partner. Do not shame them for being apprehensive. Whilst some of their concerns may seem insignificant or irrelevant to you, this isn’t just about you! Remember, their feelings are valid. You want the conversation to empower them further, even if they choose to say ‘no’ for now. Don’t make matters worse by disempowering them with remarks like ‘you’re a prude’ (I know I’ve said this in the past…ouch!) etc. Be gentle and look for ways in which you can highlight the empowerment that comes with trying it out.

AND REMEMBER, THIS ISN’T AN ARGUMENT

This isn’t about being ‘right’. This isn’t about having a ‘better’ or more ‘superior’ lifestyle than them. This isn’t a debate. This is about expressing your desires for them to join you, whilst simultaneously being able to hold space for their truth and understanding them. Hold space for them to express themselves. Have the intention to have a healthy discussion.

Everyone needs to go at their own pace. Be supportive. Be patient. This may be a matter of more than one or two or ten conversations. It’s a process, a journey. Let it be that for them, and be willing to stand by their side and support them rather than criticise them along the way. They are looking for just as much support, if not more, as you are.

BE OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY THAT THEY DON’T WANT TO PARTAKE

There are a few outcomes really…

“Ok, sure…I’ll give it a go.”
“Woohoo, let’s do it!”
“No thanks. Not interested.”
“No way!”
“I’ll think about it…”

BE PATIENT

Be willing to be patient…because if you’re not, you may end up coming across as pushy. For some people, it’s a slow start and then a very fast transition. For others, a deep dive in head first. For some, a slow-paced journey that is just about taking baby steps.

EMPOWERMENT LOOKS DIFFERENT TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE

Just a friendly reminder, your partner does not need to be involved in the lifestyle just because you are. We are all individuals at the end of the day, and so long as there is respect then that should be enough. It is also just as important to remember that empowerment is and looks different for different people.

SOME POINTS TO REFLECT ON BEFORE HAVING THE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR PARTNER

Understanding our own truth is an important element to having these kinds of sensitive conversations. So it is essential to deepen your sense of self-awareness first and foremost. I would even suggest taking some time to get clear on some of the questions below before you have this conversation with your partner. In getting clear on some of the below points, you can make it easier on yourself as to what it is that you are trying to articulate to your partner.

WHAT are you asking of them? Is it to get into social nudity? More nudity around the home? Just nude beaches? The goal to go to a nude resort? Moving to a nudist colony full-time? What is it? Get clear on what you’re asking your partner to get involved in.
WHY do you want them to join you on this journey? Can you be ok with enjoying the nudist lifestyle and having a partner that has no interest in it? If they accept and support your decision to enjoy a nudist lifestyle but they, themselves, have no interest in it, can you accept and respect their decision? If not, why? Is it essential that you have a partner that also enjoys the nudist lifestyle in order to feel truly fulfilled in your relationship? If you can honestly say that this is the case for you and they’re not willing to explore it, and their support and acceptance isn’t enough…you may want to re-evaluate some things…
HOW would their involvement, or lack of, affect you?
Are you willing to respect their decision, even if it’s a ‘no’? If you aren’t, perhaps reconsider having this conversation another time when you can be respectful of their decision, regardless of what it is…because if you have an agenda and you don’t get the outcome you want, you may lose sight of the whole precipice that it should be a ‘discussion’ rather than a matter of ‘convincing’ them.
HOW can you support them in this journey if they agree to give it a go? Do you have some blogs you could share with them in the meantime? Books, podcasts, vlogs? *hint: get them to check out my content!
Are you possibly projecting pressure onto your partner because you merely yearn to be surrounded by more like-minded people?

HOW HAVE I NAVIGATED THIS SITUATION?

My partner doesn’t identify as a nudist himself, yet he has been open and willing to come along to the nude beach with me, has been to one of my naked yoga classes and even helps me with my work and content! Most importantly for me, he has been ACCEPTING and SUPPORTIVE of my lifestyle. If anything, he has been my biggest cheerleader and helped me to start this blog, actually! That, for me, is more than enough. I don’t need him to be a nudist to be happy and fulfilled in our relationship. This, though, may be different for different people. We all have different needs and wants.

I, for example, do not need my partner to be a nudist. I do, however, need my partner to be open-minded and supportive of my involvement in the lifestyle. I, personally, could not be with someone that is closed off to the idea. I could not date someone who would try to change these things about me because they, themselves, don’t share the same interest or involvement in the lifestyle. I definitely could not be with someone who felt ashamed of my lifestyle choices!

Remember, you and your partner do not have to do everything together. You have your hobbies, they have theirs. He likes surfing. I like yoga. Sometimes we even meet half way…he goes for a surf, I lay on the beach nude. Sometimes he joins me in the nude, other times not. Sometimes he’ll accompany me at the nude beach, most of the time not…and this works for us.

If, at the end of the day, your partner is not interested in joining you on your nudie adventures but you still desire to experience it with other people, perhaps ask some friends or be willing to put yourself out there and look into ways of meeting like-minded people.

CONVERSATION STARTERS AND POINTERS TO HELP YOU OUT…

So I’ve been to the nude beach a few times now and have felt a sense of liberation that I’ve never felt before…and I would love for us to experience it together sometime if you’re open to it…
I feel so empowered after going to that *nude event*…how do you feel about the thought of joining me next time?
How can I make you feel more comfortable in discussing this topic?
What is your understanding of a ‘nudist’?
Perhaps I could provide a little more insight on the lifestyle for you from first-hand experience…
Are there any preconceptions you may have that I can, perhaps, provide more clarification on?
What do you need from me to feel safe in this journey?
What are your fears, concerns, insecurities, apprehension, hesitations?
What are your boundaries?
How can we ensure you get the most out of this experience?
I completely respect and support your decision…
Thank you for being open to discussing this with me.

Essentially, it is all about communication (isn’t is always?!), and when it comes to a sensitive topic like this, HOW you communicate especially matters. We’re not just talking about walking up the road and getting a loaf of bread here! Be kind…always. Be patient. Be nurturing. Who knows…they may be asking you to go to Cap D’Adge in no time!

The Nude Blogger

xx

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